at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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