One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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