I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
