I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
