I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
