We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
