Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
