My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
