You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Randomize
