i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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