i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
