We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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