Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
