We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
