Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
