fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
