im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
