I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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