Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
How does it feel to date your dad?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
