I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
