Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
