everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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