I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
