i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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