cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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