No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
