i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
