There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
