Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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