You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
