I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
