It was confusing and full of hummus
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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