that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
