just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I forgot how hot balto sounded
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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