another moral hangover. fuck.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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