Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
