He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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