I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
