Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
