oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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