Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Congratulations! We have a period
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