Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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