Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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