I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
