Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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