I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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