Do you still have your period?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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