Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
