apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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