i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize