oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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