Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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