You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
