It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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