i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
