just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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