i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you didnt know i had herpes?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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