Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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