Where are you?
In a non slutty way
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
