If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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