So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
