I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
