i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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