We won't sleep together?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
