Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
