what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
