I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
