I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
