Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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