somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
