Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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