Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
